All in all my story is pretty straight forward. I got divorced; I started homeschooling my girls; I sold my business after 10 years of working 16 hour days; And then I headed out on the road. Sure, it wasn’t this clear and simple and it all happened in the span of 2 years, but that is the basics of the whole thing. I was tired of the world I was living in, I was coping with a chronic illness, and I barely had time for my children. Life felt like a black hole. No matter how much I would give, life always wanted more. And no matter how fast I ran there was just no going through the finish line.
Things needed to change, thus I decided to reprogram myself. I started asking why at every aspect of my life. Why do we have a couch in the living room, why do we drive 45 minutes to school, why do we have phones, etc. Obviously some of the answers were no brainers, others where not as clear and sometimes the answers seemed like something we just tell ourselves to survive day to day. Any question to which the answer was “because that is what people do” was put in a pile and ran through the shredder. And after it was all over, I was in shock of how much we pack into our lives “because that is what people do”.
That’s when I started shedding away all the layers that were not part of me. The layers that I had created in response to societal conditioning. It was so freeing and I was scared out of my mind. The moment you decide to break free of societal norms and create your own version of existence, you enter uncharted territory. No matter how much you read or research a topic, the chances of you following a path that has already been written about are slim to none. This is why I write. I don’t consider myself to be a writer but my field of expertise comes from being the author of my own life. As human beings we seem to have this pull towards community. Feeling like we are the only ones that walk our path give us a sense of being lonely. Notice I say sense and not own the feeling completely. This is because the feeling is almost like a longing. A longing for connection, a longing for understanding, a longing to feel like you are not the only one in this revolutionary train. It is not a need or necessity.
Before I started traveling, in search of that comforting connection, I googled “single mom homeschooling on the road”. I got no results. I searched in as many ways as I possibly could think up, but came up empty handed. This changed a lot for me. It almost caused fear. All the stories I came across about life on the road involved two parents. I was newly divorced and nowhere near having someone to co-parent with… on the road. But this wasn’t going to stop me, I’ve always loved being alone, so I sat and scientifically calculated what obstacles may be ahead for a single mom traveling with two girls. I simplified my game plan, until I was sure I could handle it. I decided against an RV of any kind as flat tires, curvy roads and heavy snow storms seem to be an issue that would be difficult to face on my own. I lowered our budget as one income would mean less money to work with. And I promised myself that if my daughters and I were no longer enjoying the experience we would call it quits.
The thing about life, is that there is always something you don’t expect. And for me it was loneliness. No, I am not lonely. We are always surrounded by new and amazing people. We are always in touch with friends and family back home. And one of my favorite things to do is travel to meet special people on the road. But the longing, yes, that I feel. The longing to be seen and understood by someone else. I’ve always been the type to check myself. If I’m accused of acting a certain way, I will usually ask the people in my life if they have witnessed that specific trait about me. Also, if I’m making a decision, I’ll run it by those that get me and see if it’s a reasonable endeavor. But once you depart from the standard life, this no longer exists. I can no longer call my mom to ask for advice or a friend to hear their experiences. I am now on my own.
I would love to wrap this up with a story on how I solved this obstacle, but unfortunately it has not yet been solved. So I write. Hoping my stories can be for someone else what I have not found for myself. None-the-less, -------A sort of comforting feeling that living outside of what is considered normal is actually amazing and empowering and the easiest way to be happy. We put ourselves in prisons of our own design “because that is what people do” and some may be happy that way, but for those like me that needed to break away to really start living, it’s important that you know that you are not alone.
